this is where i wish i was today.... in new zealand, in the warm.

instead i am here in the cold and fed up about the xmas blurb.

it has been a weird year - i've 'lost' a few people who were dear to me and filled spaces in my life that are now desperately empty. i hope that next year will bring better things and new people.

the worst thing about getting older is the way that the years fly by so fast. i start to panic that there is so much left to do and a decreasing amount of time to do it in. plans keep getting forestalled by 'other things' and i am aware that unless i start taking leaps of faith the rest of my life is in danger of drifting in an insignificant way. but leaping on your own is hard - sharing the leap would be easier. conversely, i actually do not want to share after the leap, i just need the support to take that first step into the void.

finally, i am coming to the end of the patchwork 'scrap box'. today i am going to visit the fabric shop and buy material for a brand new project that will see me through xmas and into the new year. not sure what it will be like until i see the fabrics on offer........ though i have a rough idea.

someone at work was knitting last night and i realised that i have not knitted for a long time, so i may also buy some wool.

having made the decision that i cannot afford to go to nz i n february i am allowing myself to use heaters around the house. i now have 2 warm rooms - which is bliss. the electric bill will be a nasty shock but quite honestly my standard of life (ie warmth)has increased to the point that i do not care.

work is in a bit of a state of hiatus this week. discharging people home for xmas if possible and waiting for the rush next week as families panic about the loss of community services over the extended holiday period. it is such a shame that this annual shut down causes so many to find themselves with minimal support. it so often results in an admission for purely practical reasons (rather than symptom control) and patients and families spend possibly their last xmas together in the hospice rather than in their own homes.

i've noticed that the field fare are back on the farm - and the yellow hammers with their bright yellow heads. the bird seed bill is rising........... but they are a joy. i also appear to be feeding the pheasant population of the county! i counted 24 this morning. all shapes and colours. the really dark, almost black pheasants are numerous this year.

my 'friend' the mole is still building mountains on the lawn, but the rat activity is less this week. though i did hear something busy in the roof space last night so i must rebait up there.

no sunshine yet today - but it looks like it may break through later.................

bbbrrrrrrr..... it is a cold one this morning. my weather box tells me it is -1 outside.

i am putting off the visit to the chickens to unfreeze their water - it will refreeze immediately in this temperature. i'll give it another half hour. i cannot see them up and about yet, which is sensible.

i am going to move their pens today - when it warms up a bit - to give them clean ground. a major task and one i never look forward to. but it has to be done. the recent rain put paid to the last of the grass - it is now a mud bath (a frozen mud bath today)

egg laying is ticking over nicely. for the first time in ages i had eggs to offer at work. they were snapped up straight away by my 'regular' customers who assured me they were suffering from egg deprivation. fibbers - i know they were getting them from tescos.

i am thinking of getting a couple of warren hens again - they are the most reliable layers of all. my fancy bints feel they can pick and choose their moments, warrens feel they haven't woken up unless they've laid! good girls....

life has become an endless round of working and avoiding christmas. the latter being the hardest to do.

everywhere is tinsel, musak and irate shoppers. i hate this time of year sooo much.

my grouchiness reaches epic proportions as people become more frenzied with 'christmas arrangements' - it is just another day.......... even if you are 'religious' you do not need this month of madness. i am up for working all day everyday if required.....

last months pay packet was rubbish coz i'd had holiday time for alex's visit. i was missing the enhancements for night duty. i am on a mega economy drive this month - and next month too i expect. i have car tax and insurance due in january... always in the leanest months.......

looking at my finances i do not know how i can afford to go to nz in february - i have a bad feeling that it is not going to be 'do-able' until later on in the year. don't know how i will tell alex this - but my sensible head tells me it is just not possible (unless my numbers come up on the lottery)

when i tot up the expected - and probable- bills i have to pay, i am left with very little. damn and blast how expensive it is to live on a nurses pay.

ok - rant over.

i have settled into winter-mode now. the garden is put to bed and i am spending more time on indoor pastimes. i did do a massive prune of the conifers at the weekend. started out with a little cut back job and ended up with me tree climbing with a saw in my hand. end result looks ok - loads more light into the house now. my muscles ached for a day or two - but not as bad as i thought they might be.

i went onto you tube for the first time yesterday. i searched for new zealand skydiving and it came up with lots of videos of alex jumping out of planes with people strapped to his front. it seems that half of the uk have been skydiving in nz with my son.... the site is amazing. the things some people consider anyone would want to watch........??????.........

the tibetan prayer flag in todays picture is getting a real thrashing in the strong winds that are blowing today.... hopefully, my wishes are being carried off to wherever they go to come true....... i am waiting.........

the 'odds and ends' quilt pile continues to grow.

today my mood has lifted - i think because i can see some blue sky for the first time in days.

william is sitting on my desk with the muddiest paws i have seen in a long time. he is gainfully cleaning them and making a mess in doing so - spitting bits of mud onto the papers. he has been mole-hunting, i know that because i saw him with his head and front feet buried into the mole-mountain on the lawn. i tried to take a picture but he heard the window open and thought i wanted him to come in..................... i really didn't. the mole lives on..............

william is now sitting ON the phone - i hate it when he does this as he has been known to speed-dial numbers without any of us realising it........... at least i think it is a mistake......maybe william is smarter than i think.

this morning i find that i have spent nearly 2 hours visiting links - i started, as i do every morning, on the country smallholder's blog and kept following link after link. i have added several to my 'favourites' as i know i will revisit them frequently. i have been all over england as well as to canada and australia.....and all before 10am. there are some really beautiful blogs out there and some of the posted photographs are stunning. i have vowed that i will be more proactive with my camera and to this end i have it placed by my desk and ready for immediate use.

i go back onto nights tonight.............. i am sure that i am doing more than my fair share recently. but at least my requests for christmas have been agreed. i am working every day - and all over new year- and on days, not nights! for the last 6 years i have chosen nights at christmas and someone has died on xmas morning on 5 of the 6 years. somehow it is sadder than at any other time and that is totally illogical. maybe it's because the families are so distressed knowing that every christmas will evoke memories of the death. some people do find solace in believing that a death at xmas is a special death. this year will be as unique as the previous ones..no two deaths are ever the same.

it is market day in hereford on wednesdays -so i am not going into town until this afternoon. it will be quieter then and the parking easier. i should not have to go at all - but i managed to forget a vital something when i went on monday and i know that i will not be awake enough to drive to town whilst on nights and for the day after nights have finished. nights are a great way of saving money, i am too disorientated to bother going out! i just have to make sure that i have supplies of cat and chicken food - oh, and enough chocolate for the 4am low blood sugar moments.......

this photo is about the only bright thing about today. it has been foggy and drizzling all day. no sign of the sky. so this is a reminder of sunny days and colour in the garden.

good news on the egg front though - 4 today and 4 yesterday. i knew those cockerels were the trouble!

if i wash my kitchen floor one more time i will wear it away! cat's paws and wet weather do not go together in any way other than 'messy'.

any sensible person would limit it to once a day..............

not only are the snowdrops starting to emerge, so are the daffodils. there are loads of green shoots... it is too early but very uplifting to see them. i worry that they may get eaten by the moles that are invading the garden, destroying the lawn and making mountains in the veg beds. do moles eat bulbs? i know daffodil bulbs are poisonous to humans - but what about moles?

if they are poisonous to moles i will stuff a load down the tunnels in the hope that the moles take the hint.

alex 'facebooked' me this morning to say that his luggage has been found and has been returned to him...... i take back some of the rude things i was saying about emirate airlines. thank you emirates!

i have had a 'bonus' day today. i was offered a free, full body massage. i was just having my usual sunbed when the owner asked if i would like a massage - i said 'lovely, but i cannot justify the cost' and she said that i could have it for nothing coz she had a new girl start today and would like to see what i thought of her 'technique'.

i was stripped off and horizontal before she could change her mind. i then spent a glorious hour having a very good massage. and it was all the better for being unexpected and, of course, free.

as ever, a full body rub makes me feel sooooo laid back that i am ready for bed - and it is only 16.30. i shall have a hot bath, put the electric blanket on and go to bed and read or listen to the radio. what a fab day off..........

now that they have finished the apple harvest the orchards are alive with birds. they are eating the fruit that has been left on the ground or on the trees. the hedgerows too are being stripped of their berries. busy, busy, busy. bird table not being ignored either.

have just been up to check the chickens and have un-frozen their water. now i am slowly defrosting my fingers (i am typing very slowly). every year my fingers get worse - reynauds syndrome i think - the thawing out is so painful i could cry.... old age certainly doesn't come alone....and i'm not that old.

no eggs from the girls so i take it that it wasn't the cockerels that were stopping the girls from laying.

i have a mole mountain on the lawn - not a mole hill, it is enormous! i don't know how they can dig through the frozen ground so efficiently - but they do. i never had a bad mole problem when i had a dog. he used to sit by the first soil-movement and wait......then at some point known only to him, he would dive at the ground and dig....made a hell of a mess of the lawn but he was more successful than not. it kept him amused for hours.......... i do miss him-for many reasons.

have refreshed the bird table. it is interesting to note how many of the usually teritorial birds (like robins) are prepared to forgo the fighting for a good meal. i have just seen 3 robins feeding together and the blackbirds are like a black carpet. and the jays are back - haven't seen them for a few months. lovely flash of colours. the woodpecker family are also visiting now that the peanuts are bountiful. nuthatches, sparrows, blue tits, great tits, coal tits, chaffinches and some i'm not sure of - they are all about this morning.................. this is one of the reasons i could not live in the town, i do love watching the wildlife.

it has been a busy morning already. i was woken at some god-unearthly hour by the crowing of 2 chickens who were sold to me as 'ladies'. they have been building up to this pre dawn chorus for a couple of days, so i knew that i was in for trouble.

yesterday evening i phoned my 'chicken lady' ( chicken mandy) and she agreed to have the boys back and credit me with 2 ladies at a later date. so at 6.30 i grabbed the torch and the boxes and forayed up to the henhouse in my nightie and coat. the residents were somewhat surprised at their early visitor - but were, as all chickens when it is dark, as docile and biddable as a bag of feathers. i secured the boys in boxes and stashed them in the greenhouse. the girls breathed a sigh of relief and settled back to a lie-in.

at 8 am i loaded the boys into the car and was off up the lanes to re-home them. they were gratefully received by colin - mandy's husband - who weighed them in his hand and mentioned a good dinner! i have to harden my heart to what their fate will be. this is why i shall never be a true smallholder - i cannot kill surplus to requirement stock.

the garden is quiet and not so colourful without the boys but the girls are more relaxed - being jumped from behind when you are having a spot of breakfast was making them nervous.....hardly surprisingly. i would like to think that the boys were the reason that the girls are not laying - too frightened to sit still for long enough - but it could be just the time of year. we'll soon see.

it is the most beautiful day again. bright sun, dry and a bit nippy.

i'm working a late today. hope we have admitted a few more patients otherwise we'll be falling over each other to get to the jobs. not that i wish admission on anyone... but.... the time goes too slowly if we are quiet.

i am doing well on the 'using up my fabric scraps' for patchwork. the pile of scraps is slowly decreasing and the stack of made up pieces is growing. once i get them backed i shall have a stock of potential gifts for those moments when you need a present quickly.

i don't 'do' christmas but i like to have something around 'just in case'.

i am already 'over' the christmas shoppers in town. can't park anywhere after 9.30 am, supermarkets are heaving with mad women with overflowing trolleys.... the usual question - why? for just one day.....

i feel i am such a kill-joy but i cannot get all reved up about such a consumer-fest.the tv is impossible to enjoy for all the sexy adverts for the perfume that will transform you into a sensual being ( i've tried, i've tried) and the other ads that will turn you into an overweight couch potato.....

only a month before the shortest day and then we are on the countdown to spring and summer. i noticed the snowdrops peeking their shoots up yesterday.... life begins again....

ok, who ordered the snow?

talk about a bolt from the blue - there i was, having my pre-nights afternoon nap, when a cat put a very cold paw on me. i reached out to give a welcoming stroke and thought ' hello, that feels a bit solid for rain drops'. looking outside confirmed what william was telling me - lots of the white stuff. it was a rather slow and slippery drive into work. of course, none of our poll tax had been converted into grit for the roads, so there were a lot of 'caught out' drivers doing exciting things in the middle of the back roads.

on monday, the chickens thought the best thing to do was to stay in bed apart from forays to the feeders - sensible things. i too slept after my night and woke to find it was all over.......... just rain. the cats have redecorated every flat surface with footprints (my main bug-bear when it comes to cats) so i am due to perform a massive re-polishing this afternoon. i do not know why i stress so much about it coz polishing is such a thankless task - but it is therapeutic after nights and i do like to see it all looking clean when the lamps go on in the evening.

the shoot up the back of me released their pheasants a while back and they have discovered that my garden is a free for all when it comes to food - they do every year!. as a consequence i am treated to a lawn full of birds every day. this year there are some amazing colours. some of the pheasants are totally blue/black with no neck rings - i will try and photograph one the next time the sun shines - they are very exotic-looking and the lady birds seem to find them strangely attractive! one year we had a selection of pure white poults, they were gorgeous. someone told me that it is considered unlucky to shoot a white pheasant so i was hoping they would survive and breed more of the same - but i've not seen another since that year. perhaps it was a genetic throwback that did not survive further breeding - either that or the fox was not so particular or superstitious.

having not heard from alex by 13.00 i gave his mobile a ring. what a relief to hear his voice. it was only a brief 'hi - r u ok' call. he will facebook me as soon as he gets home. sounds like he had a nightmare journey though. he mentioned someone dying on the plane, re-routing due to death and bad weather (4 times) AND they've lost his luggage! he missed his internal flight due to the delays and has had to hire a car to drive himself home from auckland (4 hour drive). he sounded very OTT - i bet he is 'wired'.

i'll get the full story shortly. main thing is that he is alive and ok - i doubt he feels 'well'. good job he is not due back at work for a few days, he will need that time to sort things, and his body.

i took this picture about 3 weeks ago. things look very different this morning. bare trees , grey skies and a distinct lack of colour.

the wild birds are having a feeding frenzy at the bird tables, the chickens are still in bed and i am disinclined to do much at all.

i had a fabulous day in the garden yesterday. sorting out the sheds, moving stuff around trying to make room for the stuff that needs to be stored overwinter. my neighbours on the farm (only 2 left since julia died) were away last night so i have been looking after their chickens and dogs. the dogs (2 german shepherds) and i went for a lovely long walk around the farm yesterday afternoon - they may not get such a good walk this morning. mind you, once i'm kitted up in the waterproofs and outside i always feel much better that when i stare out of the window at the rain. i really do not mind walking in the rain once i get going.

my aga is well covered in cats - see above. henry has the best place this morning. this seat is warm-but not too warm, just right for an hour or so before it becomes 'the hot seat' and has to be vaccated.

i am sitting at this computer waiting to receive a 'facebook' from alex letting me know that he, and his luggage, have arrived home safely. it seems like forever ago that i said my goodbyes at birmingham airport. if all goes to plan, i shall be off to nz for a holiday in 12 weeks time. i have not booked my ticket yet coz my mum is getting the details ,from her friend, of a company that flies you to nz in business class for economy money! it all sounds too good to be true but mum's friend has actually done the journey and it was exactly that - economy fare but business class seats. i bet it is an age thing - over 65's only or something. still it is worth waiting to find out the details.

during one of my 'sort outs' indoors i came across all of my vinyl LP records. i decided that i needed the space they were in so vowed to sell them on to a dealer/collector. then, as i was walking around town, i saw a shop selling turntables in a wooden casing.(you may have seen them in the 'give away' bits that fall out of weekend newspapers) the system also has fm/am radio, a tape player and a cd player. the best thing was the price. in the 'give aways' they are usually about 150 notes and this shop had them for 50. a bargain? i hoped so.......

yes, i treated myself. lugged all the albums back indoors from the shed and set off down memory lane. the sound quality is fine and it plays even the most scratched vinyl - just the odd skip and jump. i have been astounded by the memories that have been re-awakened. i am so glad that i didn't get rid of them. someone at work said that they may be worth some money these days coz vinyl is 'coming back' - lets hope so. they can be my emergency fund.

lord, it is nearly 9 am and i'm not dressed - time to get those dogs walked. i'll have to check on alex later - he may have been delayed.

it was a very hard frost last night!

had a call from one of my closest friends last evening. she has been recalled for investigations following her mamogram. she goes on monday. she is terrified. we both work at the hospice and as a consequence our minds tend to make the leap from possible diagnosis to death with nothing inbetween.

she has spoken with other colleagues who have been down this road and has gained good support from them - but how can you prepare for what may well happen.... impossible. the fact that we both attended julia's funeral 2 weeks ago is not lost on either of us. please no - not veronica as well............. i do not know how i will be if i loose her too. sounds selfish - but i love these people.

still, veronica says that if the diagnosis is positive, she is going to be really selfish and do all the things she wants to do and sod the rest. she would love to go to nz with her son, so i have volunteered to show her around......... if necessary we will cram 20 years into the blink of an eye.

i am going to keep everything crossed for a 'mistake' in the mamogram - they do err on the side of caution (thank goodness) so there is plenty of hope.

i'm off to de-frost the chicken's water coz i bet it is frozen solid. then i shall have to spend time defrosting my hands - always a painful experience.

they have been apple collecting since it got light- i do not envy them today.................

the temperature has just crept above '0' on the outside thermometer. we have the first 'real' frost of this winter - white out !

catz are glued to the aga. their bladders must be to bursting point but they took a look at outside and scuttled back to the warmth.

plucking up the courage to have a bath this morning will take some doing. that longing for central heating is back again - especially when the replacement gas for the super ser has gone up £2 in the last two weeks!

it will soon get to the stage when i cannot afford to live in this country at all. having got all the possessions i need (luckily) it costs me all my wages for just the basic things in life. i know i keep 4 cats and the chickens - but hey, i don't smoke, go out to cinema, go for meals, a bottle of wine lasts me a week, i'm not a good cook and food doesn't interest me - so my animals are my company and my friends. i do not know how people manage if they have kids these days.......... mind you, they probably have a better job that pays more than nursing.....

i can think of many reasons not to go to nz, but the lower cost of living is a BIG draw right now.

last full day with alex. tomorrow will be all packing and waiting for it to be time to go to the airport. not looking forward to the 'goodbyes' - i shall be in bits. i'll hold it together for the drive home - then i'll hit the wine ( this bottle will not last the week)

only two and a half more days before my son returns to new zealand. the time has gone so quickly. i shall miss him more than usual - just becoz i have had him near for a while. i keep telling myself that it is only12 weeks until i see him again, when i go to nz for my annual visit.
he is returning with twice as much stuff as he arrived with - plus he has a box of 'heavy' things that will go to nz as an overland/oversea package.
he says he has had a valuable time. lots of talking, lots of visiting and lots of closure. coming back, for the first time in 4 years, has confirmed to him that he made the right move and that he definitely would not want to live back in the uk ( good job really coz i rely on his hospitality to reduce my holiday costs when over there)
i sense he is ready to go back - he says he is 'visited out' and could do with life returning to the boring old routines............
he is graceful enough to say that the only things he will miss about the uk are the family members - oh, and the cheap dvd's......................

he is not looking forward to the long haul back - but then, who does relish 30 hours in a steel tube with no choice of travelling companion..... i try to go when the planes are not so full and you can, sometimes, spread out and get 2 seats to yourself. that is all i need to curl up and i am off to sleep ( all be it with the help of temazepam and alcohol). my philosophy is to sleep for the majority of the journey. i hate sitting still at the best of times and to be forced to do it is 10 times worse. i always take two books - both of which loose their appeal the minute we take off. i find the in-flight movies boring after about an hour and a half........ but then i'm not a film watcher either. even my mp3 music selection (carefully chosen in the weeks before) seems dull and 'samey'. you can gather - i am not a good candidate for long haul..... i'm glad i don't have to sit next to me...... i'm not good at other people's life stories either. and as for kids...... they should be banned from all flights - period!

lucky alex, he is going back to spring and summer......... it is 3.30 pm here and i have the curtains drawn and the desk light on........... also have a lovely bottle of red wine open and breathing by the aga. should be at the right temperature in about an hours time................. just in time to sit and watch 'scrubs' yes, i know that is sad - but alex has 'got me into' watching it and now that i 'know' the characters i find myself enjoying the whole thing. i still can't see the attraction of 'friends' and i would not change my diary so as not to miss an episode - but , all in all, it passes the time harmlessly.

this morning i had a 'hissy fit'. i turned off radio 4 in a fit of pique. my grouse for the day? why do presenters (and most people i know) pronounce the word 'been' as 'BIN'. it ranks alongside 'libry' (for library) and 'proply' ( for properly)

i am no english don and do not think myself better than the next person but oh how i hate to hear such 'lazy-speak'

i will, of course, be returning to radio 4 fairly soon because the room seems too quiet without it. i am a fan of radio 7 as well but the digital signal varies around the house and the set will not work in the back room where i sit to do my sewing. not sure if this is because i live on the side of a hill or because i didn't spend enough on the set in the first place. when my analogue set gives up the ghost - which could be soon- i shall invest in a more expensive digital set. i was reluctant to buy the best when they first came out coz you just know that within a year the prices will have tumbled and you will get more for your money. twisted logic - probably ..........

a watery sun is making my desk the warmest place in the house. as a consequence i have 4 cats vying for prime position. they are having a rough time coz i polished the desk this morning and to them it is like a skating rink. henry was the first to jump up and he sailed straight across it and off the other side, taking the telephone with him. undignified? you bet......

i have been trying to finish the crossword but maisie is now positioned on the paper and i have given up. i do the telegraph cryptic every day (have done for 30 odd years) and saturdays is often a challenge. having a cat on the clues makes it even more so...............................

now, i know that chicken keeping on a domestic scale was never declared a financially viable proposition, but honestly! 1 egg from 16 chix - what kind of return is that?

we are having yo-yo production for some reason only known to my feathered friends.

according to the media, those of us over 50 are becomming 'grey power' - using our 'grey pounds' to swan off on gap years, having retired from our well paid jobs on enormous pensions - that presumably allow us to continue to run a house in england as well as counting turtles in costa rica. this tendancy to retire from meaningful employmeny at an indecently early age appears to have extended into my chicken community. girls who were happily laying 6 months ago have decided, apparently overnight, to pack up providing and to take up 'grey beaking'.

this change in career has resulted in them taking up prolonged sun bathing in the grasses around the pond, counting the recently purchased younger chickens who live in the (new) costa del fortune chicken house and inordinate gorging on the cake that my neighbour keeps chucking over the fence.

like the government, i conclude that the figures do not add up. the tax payers among the flock (those deeming to lay eggs) are increasingly outnumbered by the 'spongers' ( all benefits without contributions). though i am unlikely to take action to redress the balance by culling any grey-beakers, i may have to resort to government-like proceedings and open my borders to more 'incommers' whilst waiting for the 'spongers' to die of laziness and hardened arteries resulting from an over consumption of chocolate swiss roll.

l

don't we get some fabulous sunrises at this time of year. this was taken about a week ago. the leaves are off the tree now and covering the lawn.....

have just linked through to 'book the cook' blog. i am a totally hopeless cook, though i am good at jams and preserves, but i still love to browse recipe sites. the blog mentioned that he is a great 'outdoor coat' person. what a relief.... i thought i was the world's only collector of outdoor coats. i love them. yes, yes, i know i am a sad individual who should get out more...................

apple harvesting is full on - the tractors and tree shakers are making a wonderful racket. it is a brilliant crop this year. the fruit have looked like bright jewels hanging in the autumn sunshine. soon they will be off to bulmers to be made into cider. the smell that hangs in the air over hereford is absolutely delightful - and a nice change from the sun valley chicken smell that often assaults the olfactory cells. following the tractors and trailors along the country roads can be tiresome if you are in a hurry to get to work - but those of us in the know factor in an extra 10 minutes for such eventualities. the apples are the last harvest of the year on the farm and already the land is settling into its winter fallow. most of the ploughing is over and some winter wheat is showing but mostly it is a bare and quiet time.

my bird tables are a mass of life. the woodpecker family are back and eating me out of peanuts every 2 days. am i the only person who budgets for cheap bread when i go to the supermarket? the checkout girls must wonder about my apparent bread fetish. with the lard for 'bird-seed cakes', my basket looks like a healthy eaters nightmare.

i am high alert for rats at the moment. my poisoning has bagged me a fair few so far this winter - but you can never rest with rats, so the baiting will continue. having recently lost a chicken to the rats i hate them more than ever..............

time to put on an outdoor coat and go for a walk..............

julia's family have started to clear her house. i am sure that they are finding it hard - but so am i.... strangely so. henry and william went across to have a nosey but quickly retreated to my place to watch the proceedings from the patio doors.

seeing the ever increasing pile of black plastic rubbish sacks that will go to the tip brings it home to you that that is really what we will all amount to......... the memories are in our heads and the physical dross of our lives is of little value to anyone else.

a year ago i decided to have a massive de-clutter, along the lines of 'keep only the things that you use/wear on a monthly basis'. it was terrifically cathartic! i recommend it to everyone. the house looked so much bigger, i had room in my cupboards and wardrobes and to be honest i haven't missed one thing i threw away. i still have enough 'stuff' to repeat the exercise but i'm hanging on until the new year coz i am considering going to new zealand to live near my son. if i do go, the move will necessitate another downsize so that i don't sink the boat.

there are many job opportunities in nz for nursing staff, even in my speciality of palliative care. when i visit my son in february i shall go and suss out a few hospices and see if i am too old to be considered for a work visa.

it is a massive step for me to consider - but when i look at what happened to julia i get the feeling that there is just no time to prevaricate - life is certainly way too short, and way too unpredictable. what is the worst that can happen? i could always come back - but i would consider that a failure. if i go it must be with the attitude that it WILL work and that nz will become my homeland.

we will see what the new year brings...............

has anyone been onto the 'free rice' website? i spent an hour or so yesterday 'earning' grains of rice and improving my vocabulary at the same time. have a go, it is fun.

i am having a pre christmas patchwork blitz. all year i have promised myself that i would NOT buy any more material and would, instead, use up the odds ans ends left over from past projects. all year i have ignored myself. not now though - the work room is a mass of multi-coloured, multi-patterned scraps. several ideas have come out of the confusion - but mostly i have been berating myself for allowing such a collection to build. i am a true magpie when it comes to fabric. if i go in to buy 'just one piece' i will see a whole host of 'new lines' that are just crying out to be bought in order to accomplish that dream quilt i saw in such and such a magazine.

discipline - that is what is needed. i have made myself promise that there will be no more retail therapy until at least a half of the scraps are utilised. to aid my promise, i will not be entering the fabric shop until next spring. that gives me a winter of long evenings in which to transform this chaos into bedspreads.

it is important that i get organised soon because the 'aga magnets' (4 slothful cats) are having a whole heap of fun sleeping under and on the fabric. why do they always choose the dark coloured ones............... cats hair everywhere.

having spent far too long on this computer this morning i am off to the market to check out if they have any chickens that need a home. my flock are a bit old and reluctant to lay anymore. need new blood........

maybe today will be the day that that good looking, kind,easy going, rich (and desperate)landowner will be just hanging around, waiting for a post menopausal chicken keeper to come along...................... No - i don't think so either......................

wow, slept for 14 hours straight through. i needed that!

day one , after the funeral.

things are ok.

working again tonight - so an easy day is in order.

catz and i are all in one room araound the super ser heater. dayz like these i wish for central heating. hot bath, lots of layers of clothing and i will be fine. not for me the silky bedwear, i'm a full length wynciette plus the fleece dressing gown - bed sox and thermal leggings an optional extra. practical but definitely not sexy. guess that is why i live alone......

finally, maisie has been 'snapped'

funeral was beautiful - amazing church at shobdon.

glad that it is over. cried most of the way through - along with many others. phenominal coffin - wicker, threaded with flowers and greenery. the purple funeral company did her, and her family, proud.

spookily, there was a grey and white cat that sat outside the church and then followed the coffin to the resting place...... what was that about......

home now - about to get some sleep. chickens out and trashing the garden. the world will start to return to something like 'normal' now.

sky has clouded over for the first time in days - almost like the sun has gone into mourning for a few hours too...... how fanciful is that.... i'm dreadful when i'm tired....... time to zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

hi, top photo is charlie and the one on the left is william - henry's brother. maisie was too shy to be photographed today (bad hair day was mentioned)

i am just waiting to be picked up by liz as we are going to julia's funeral this morning. it another beautiful autumn day. crisp and clear with mist in the valley and the sun making the trees look as though they are on fire.

worked last night so am a bit tired and emotional before i start. plenty of tissues and NO mascara. chickens are already sun bathing in the garden, they know how to make the most of life. just hope the fox doesn't visit while i'm out. i think the hunt is due through later so that should keep him at bay.

made 6 lb of quince jelly yesterday as well as 10lb of crab apple jelly. both had been straining in the kitchen for 24 hours and it was a relief to get it made and put away in the store. i now have all the christmas gifts made - not very original maybe but cheap! i do not like christmas and don't 'DO' christmas really. i choose to work every day of the 'holiday' and enjoy the money when it hits the paypacket in january.

liz is here ...........

my name is henry. things have been a bit strange lately. my brother, william, and i used to live with julia but one day she went away and we haven't seen her since. anne, who lives on the farm and has 2 cats of her own, very kindly started feeding us and providing us with love and companionship. we have decided to move in to her house now that the nights are getting colder.

anne also has 15 chickens - but we get on fine with them. they, like us, love to lie in this autumn sun - though they spend their time kicking up the dust while we prefer to stretch and preen.

our lives are starting to settle down again. anne tells us that it is julia's funeral tomorrow - i am surpised that she died because she was only 44 human years old. anne says that she did not want to leave us without saying goodbye but that she became ill so quickly that she didn't have a choice.

anne works at the local hospice, where julia died, and she was very upset for several days. we all gave her lots of love and attention, even sleeping on her bed so that she was not alone. i think that tomorrow will be difficult for her - but we will be here for her when she gets home.

it is strange learning to live with another person but anne's cats, maisie and charlie, have been remarkably accepting of the situation. i understand that julia has set up some kind of trust fund for us - to pay for our insurance, vet bills and holidays ( anne goes to new zealand to see her son and is away for a month at a time) the food is certainly good here, though anne says that we eat better than her she doesn't try to feed us cheap stuff - well, she did once but we all went on hunger strike and held out until she saw the error of her ways.

i will get anne to upload some pictures of my brother and her 2 cats.

fowl goings-on

As i pull up to the house, i can see Yvette standing on top of the chicken house. she is doing her impersonation of a weather vane - all be it a weather vane with attitude. she is debating whether to jump. she has to make this decision at least once a day and yet every time the angst is obvious.
of course, she should not be able to get onto the roof in the first place. according to all of the smallholding bibles that we possess, clipping the flight feathers on one wing will render your chicken flightless, grounded and completely disorientated should they give take-off a go. well, no-one showed that particular paragraph to Yvette. mind you, it is not all wing power that gets her to the point 5 foot above ground. another thing missing from 'everything you need to know about poultry' was the fact that some chickens have legs that an Olympic high jumper would give his eye teeth for. Yvette is such a chicken. with no runup and no apparent effort she leaps skywards and lands neatly on the roof of 'number 10'. (10 house - get it? you will if you come from up north)
being on the roof is not a reason for consternation for Yvette. far more taxing for a chicken of little brain but capable thighs is whether to take the leap over the 6ft wire netting that is supposed to keep her and her 27 mates safe from predatory things, like sharp toothed foxes or out of control gun dogs. she can see the advantages from her birds-eye outpost. the freshly dug seed beds in the vegetable garden, the dry, dusty earth beneath the conifers (so good for bathing), the endless possibilities of the carefully displayed gravel by the rather inviting flower beds and the general greenness on the other side of the fence. her mates are of no help when it comes to decision making. being either too small or too heavy (on a diet that includes chocolate swiss roll this is only to be expected) to make the top of the house a place on their 'must visit soon' list, they merely watch with half an eye to check on todays antics.
should Yvette take that leap, flapping with a kind of lop-sided elegance, she may well land in the forbidden territory of the veg garden. more likely, however, is that she will make it over the 6ft wire and land smack bang within the confines of the outer enclosure - a snazzy safety fence of bright orange plastic with yellow uprights. this fence is electrified! well, at least it is supposed to be. it has a warning sign that tells passing dog walkers that it is dangerous, but anyone watching for even 10 minutes would not be fooled. the chickens constantly give the game away by putting their heads (and even their whole bodies in the case of the bantoms) through the holes in order to get at the grass on the other side. astute people would hence hazzard a guess that 1) the fence is not 'on' and 2) the chickens are so undernourished that they are prepared to risk electrocution in order to access a blade of grass.

back to Yvette. having watched her prevaricate for a few minutes i think of 101 things i should be doing, and start to unload the car. self-congratulatory squawking confirms that Yvette has leapt the right way and now has free range of the garden. she is off like a sprinter on those well muscled legs. the remaining girls are horrified and not a bit impressed. they set up an awful row. telling me how unfair it is, insisting that i either bring her back right now or, preferably, let them out too so that they can check she doesn't get up to mischief. i take pity on them and undo the gate so that they can maraude all over the 'patch'. as usual they are like prisoners released from extended confinement. every veg bed gets a cursory peck and scratch until the whole garden has had the once over. then it is down to the serious and systematic destruction of the order that once was my garden................