julia's family have started to clear her house. i am sure that they are finding it hard - but so am i.... strangely so. henry and william went across to have a nosey but quickly retreated to my place to watch the proceedings from the patio doors.

seeing the ever increasing pile of black plastic rubbish sacks that will go to the tip brings it home to you that that is really what we will all amount to......... the memories are in our heads and the physical dross of our lives is of little value to anyone else.

a year ago i decided to have a massive de-clutter, along the lines of 'keep only the things that you use/wear on a monthly basis'. it was terrifically cathartic! i recommend it to everyone. the house looked so much bigger, i had room in my cupboards and wardrobes and to be honest i haven't missed one thing i threw away. i still have enough 'stuff' to repeat the exercise but i'm hanging on until the new year coz i am considering going to new zealand to live near my son. if i do go, the move will necessitate another downsize so that i don't sink the boat.

there are many job opportunities in nz for nursing staff, even in my speciality of palliative care. when i visit my son in february i shall go and suss out a few hospices and see if i am too old to be considered for a work visa.

it is a massive step for me to consider - but when i look at what happened to julia i get the feeling that there is just no time to prevaricate - life is certainly way too short, and way too unpredictable. what is the worst that can happen? i could always come back - but i would consider that a failure. if i go it must be with the attitude that it WILL work and that nz will become my homeland.

we will see what the new year brings...............

has anyone been onto the 'free rice' website? i spent an hour or so yesterday 'earning' grains of rice and improving my vocabulary at the same time. have a go, it is fun.